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Do’s and Don’ts of Spray on Tanning

July 1, 2007

Ok. Don’t laugh. I had a wedding this weekend and I wanted to look hawt. (tee hee)

So even though I’ve been getting some color in the front yard, I thought I’d even it out and get just a little darker for the summer’s biggest extravaganza!

Sooo, I went for a spray-on tan.
Here are some things to remember if you do get this done…

Do:

  • Exfoliate, exfoliate, exfoliate
  • Expect to feel sticky after the application and expect to stay that way until you shower
  • Expect to get it on your clothing (and your kid if you’re not careful)
  • Wear dark, loose fitting clothes for after the application (think mu mu)
  • Expect to feel like a fat tub-o-lard standing there nekkid with just your paper panties on
  • Expect to question every decision you have ever made that led you to this procedure
  • Especially when your boobahs are white as ghosts and sorta saggin’ (at least in your eyes)
  • Be careful that stuff gets everywhere
  • Exfoliate
  • Understand that you will look like an orange until you shower
  • Expect to get what you pay for…you will be $60.00 lighter in the wallet, but you won’t get melanoma (a small price for health I say)
  • Plan the application at least two days before an event
  • Plan on blowing away the little black dress you plan to wear
  • Do it for any event but make sure you exfoliate

Don’t:

  • Go in a driving thunderstorm (think Jackson Pollack)
  • Wear flip flops in said rainstorm or step in gigantic puddles
  • Expect brain surgeons to be working at the salon
  • Go in a hawty-tawty neighborhood, they sneer
  • Expect the salon workers to giggle at you (at least not to your face)
  • Shower for eight hours after the application
  • Let one ounce of water touch your skin for eight hours after the application
  • Sweat…ever
  • Forget to exfoliate
  • Wear a mu mu in a driving rainstorm with your flip flops although on a sunny day it would be perfecto
  • Pay more than $60.00 for the treatment…it may not be worth it
  • Go the night before a big event
  • Be surprised by the compliments you will receive for looking like you just got back from St. Tropez
  • Expect your husband to keep his hands to himself…(rowr)
  • PANIC…it’s not THAT bad
  • Be surprised if you don’t exfoliate
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