Girl parts gone bad…August 8, 2007
Sheesh. You turn 35 and all hell breaks loose on the girl bits.
After 3 extra mammographies and a sonogram, I seem to have this ‘thing’ hidden there in the back that they are “keeping an eye on” because it doesn’t seem to go away with all the poking and prodding.
You see, when you have a mammogram and you are cystic, like me, they twist and turn (and flatten) your tootie ta ta’s and keep snapping pictures until all the spots dissipate. When it’s fleshy-cystic “meat” they disappear with good technique. This one spot doesn’t wanna go away…No matter how hard the smoosh.
It’s up to my OB/GYN to decide whether I go back in 6 months or a year for another check up. His nurse claims he’ll have me go back in 6 months and/or see a breast surgeon. Fun times people.
But he knows my history and will be erring on the side of strict caution and I am seriously grateful for that.
On a good note, I made the technicians laugh a lot. That was cool. I had this gigantic tent for a robe. (It was the only one in the changing area) and I literally swam in it. It was obviously made for the well endowed women. But I told them it was my superhero cape and they all came in to see it. I refused to change into a smaller one.
Then, I asked the technicians (both the mammogram tech and the sonogram tech) what they do with women with the gargantuan titties. They giggled and said they never thought patients thought of those things. We do. Apparently, so do they.
Turns out they need to do the procedures with two hands and a lot of manipulating…of the big ‘ole boob. We giggled s’more.
They commented on how silly I was and how funny and all but really if I didn’t laugh, I’d be hysterical crying. I spent a good three hours getting felt up yesterday by all different types.
I know every thing’s alright. It’s just that static moment in between the tests that you think…’This could be it. They found something and my life can be changing right here, right now.’
I’m a wreck all day.
Then, I come home to a message from my OB/GYN’s office to say that I have an endometrial polyp that needs to be removed. Whee…Good times. I tell ya. That should be a load of kick ass fun. I can’t wait to get all felt up down there too. By instruments. And I don’t think they even vibrate.
What the hell happened to me?
I used to be thin and cute and healthy. Now I’m stiff and jiggly and losing my girl bits slowly but surely.
And I’ve only been 35 for a little less than 6 months…
Oh! and this is fun too…I also went to the dermatologist the other day….Got a prescription for a skin issue…I tell ya people. I am turning into a real pile of dusty old crap.
And for those who want to giggle s’more:
(“Histroy of the World”..Fast Forward to 2:09)