h1

So then,

August 25, 2007

Remember when I talked about this?

Well, I’m seeing a new therapist. For anger issues. And greif. That I have yet to deal with.

20 years later.

Grief = Anger + A Mamma = A mess.

And in our first session he asked me to close my eyes, think about what I want to talk about, feel the way my body reacts and tell him the first thing I thought of.

“You’re not good enough!” Was what I blurted out. And I tensed up. Angry.

Good! And one hour later after wringing a towel and beating a pillow. (Seriously, you should read the book!)

We came to the realization that the underlying stress between my parents later in my life made me feel very uncomfortable and unsafe as a teenager. I never felt secure. In turn, in my life today, I always seek security.

And when I feel my security slipping, I freak out. And when I feel my head slipping…Loogout.

Because when my security did slip out from under me as a teenager…my Mom died. You can never get that back, no matter how hard you try. Even as a functioning adult.

So, therapy is helping me heal my mind and my body. It is going to (I hope) help me accept what has happened in my past and move forward. Because when my mind is clear, I will physically loosen up and not be so tense and stiff and sore all the time.

That is where this came from…And thank you Sara and Jessica and all the other commenters who helped me to be okay with it all…You all rock!

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14 comments

  1. xo xo xo.

    Anytime.


  2. I am glad that you are getting therapy to help you. ((hugs))


  3. hey J you know I got ya back girl. I also know that you are alot stronger than you think! This great that you have had your realization. As we chatted and you shared things about your past I had a feeling that you had issues with feeling secure, we all do! But you needed to come to this road and find out for yourself. And what a great find. When your misnd is clear you should go for a spa rub down.
    Love ya girl
    Mel


  4. Therapy sounds…good. Really good.

    How did people cope before blogging? And therapy?


  5. am glad you are doing this.

    And you rock as much as us commenters do. Definitely more than I. I suck in comparison to you.

    So this “loogout” word. Is that like loogie? Which is one of my least favorite words.


  6. I’m proud of you for going. It’s easier said than done and way to tackle it head on.

    big hugs, girlie.


  7. Happy for you. Truly!

    I was in therapy (sh) a few years ago and it helped. I need more of that.

    XOXOXOXO


  8. (((Hugs))) You know I’m always here for ya!


  9. I’m glad you’re finding your peace at last, or some of it. You do whatever you have to to be healthy and happy. *hugs*


  10. Therapy is a tough gig. I am proud of you for making the commitment and living through, working through the grief. Hugs!


  11. Oh, JJ, I’m SO glad! This is a good thing. A very good thing.


  12. I’m dealing with the same stuff right now, looking back at growing up in an effort to better understand why I am the way I am.

    “You’re not good enough!” Was what I blurted out. “

    I can totally understand this.


  13. good for you and congrats. I have gone the therapy road before…it was far from easy but I can honestly say I am glad I did it. I learned alot about myself and dealing with my past …for sure. Hang in there.


  14. I think I’ve always sought security also…but in a different way. My parents are divorced and my dad was absent and unreliable. I always sought security in a reliable boyfriend. someone I knew would be able to provide (unlike my dad).
    But my situation was not as hard as yours. Losing a Mom must be the worst thing that could ever happen to a someone. My mom was my rock…and she still is.



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