So then,August 25, 2007
Remember when I talked about this?
Well, I’m seeing a new therapist. For anger issues. And greif. That I have yet to deal with.
20 years later.
Grief = Anger + A Mamma = A mess.
And in our first session he asked me to close my eyes, think about what I want to talk about, feel the way my body reacts and tell him the first thing I thought of.
“You’re not good enough!” Was what I blurted out. And I tensed up. Angry.
Good! And one hour later after wringing a towel and beating a pillow. (Seriously, you should read the book!)
We came to the realization that the underlying stress between my parents later in my life made me feel very uncomfortable and unsafe as a teenager. I never felt secure. In turn, in my life today, I always seek security.
And when I feel my security slipping, I freak out. And when I feel my head slipping…Loogout.
Because when my security did slip out from under me as a teenager…my Mom died. You can never get that back, no matter how hard you try. Even as a functioning adult.
So, therapy is helping me heal my mind and my body. It is going to (I hope) help me accept what has happened in my past and move forward. Because when my mind is clear, I will physically loosen up and not be so tense and stiff and sore all the time.