Why did the almost four year old throw the clock out the window?

August 27, 2007

She wanted to see … How the time flies.

Since Fa has been potty trained, she seems like a different kid. She’s more confident and outgoing. She’s braver than I have ever seen. She has finally learned to enjoy life. I have been wanting her to do that for quite some time.

My baby has slipped through my fingers and I think I missed it.

Or at least I miss that baby that she once was.

We have told her that when she was a little baby, she used to cry and cry all the time. She giggles at that. She says, “Babies cry, Mommy.” (Where was that advice when I needed it?)

We tell her how much we love her and we tell her that no matter how old she gets, she will always be our baby.

I tell her “Stop growing!!” and she responds with “Why don’t you want me to grow? I have to grow!” Then she tells me, “I’ll always be your baby Mommy.”

I melt.

When she was learning to talk, she used to repeat “Ahata, Ahata, Ahata” all the time. It took us a few weeks to finally figure out that she was saying “I have to” really fast like I do…”I hafta”…

Now, it doesn’t take long to figure out what she means… she repeats everything loud and clear with resonance and confidence…especially the curse words. She’s a talker my kid. A true jabber-jaw!

Her teacher came over today to meet with her before school. She chewed her ear off…Told her all sorts of stories and played with puzzles and books and home made playdough. The teacher was so happy to see her so excited for school to start…MY kid, excited fro school to start…?

It’s only preschool. But it is very important for her.

It will be her first introduction to school and life away from home. It will be her first experience in dealing with other personalities and staying true to herself. It will be her first time depending on another person for support and protection instead of me. I am excited for her and sad for me all at once.

I am watching her independence blossom and I am feeling her pull slightly away from me. When I reach for hugs and kisses now, she doesn’t give them each time. But she does surprise me with kisses on my hand or my arm when I least expect it.

She fights for what she believes in with true grit and I pray that she does that in the ‘real world’ too. How do I find the courage to allow her to win some battles and lose some battles? And still stay strong.

Stay strong.

All I want for her is to be happy and strong.

I want her to thrive. I want her to grow. I am so excited for her, yet apprehensive for me.

I want her to stay strong. In return, I need to be strong for her. She is my baby, yet she is growing exponentially. And her world is too.

How will I protect her yet help her be her own person?

(Posted on my new iMacPro….I’m in heaven…I’ll take a picture soon)



  1. You have your own little engine that could!

    I’m so glad to hear she is blossoming. I’m not surprised–such a loving mom.

  2. Awww….milestones like these are always so bittersweet….we WANT them to grow and thrive, yet we don’t want to feel left behind. It’s hard, but seems to get a bit easier as time goes on.

    I am glad she’s doing so well so far 🙂 *hugs* for Mama!

  3. She is going to thrive, be happy, be strong … all because you believe in her.

    They grow and change so fast. There are times when things are tough that it feels like time is standing still, then suddenly WHAM they are growing up 🙂

  4. If you can answer this, write it down and publish the book. You’ll retire a millionaire.

  5. it’s the existential question now, isn’t it. how do we survive the enormous achy love?

  6. Once again, you’ve captured what’s happy and yet painful about motherhood.

    She’ll make you one proud Mama, due in no small part to you!

  7. I feel all of this, 100%. All of it.

    Tomorrow my son goes on to K, and Princess spends 2 hours orientation for pre-k. I’ll watch both for a while – they will have rooms right next to each other.

    And last night it hit me HARD. I’ll have 2 kids in school. I’m thrilled for them. I’m achy for my heart.

    Great post.

  8. She sounds like an awesome little person. I bet preschool is going to be great for her. I suppose that doesn’t make it any easier for you though does it?

  9. It sounds like you are already doing a more than adequate job of protecting her and letting her go.

    it’s bittersweet though.

  10. She will thrive. She will grow. She will be strong.

    I have no doubt she will be all of those things – just like her mother.

  11. Oh they grow up way to fast.

    Now my son rolls his eyes when you ask for a hug or kiss. lol

  12. What a wonderful post. I love the unexpected hugs & kisses.

  13. Bittersweet, isn’t it? I know how you feel. Exactly.

  14. My daughter is 21, but I swear she was just 4 yesterday. It goes SO fast.

  15. OMG!!!
    I’m speechless!

    im crying!


  16. OK JJ, so here’s the deal.

    Fa is SOOOOO much like you. But not in the way you think.

    Personally, I see you as an amazing, strong and amazingly strong woman. she is exactly that. She is “YOU”.

    I read how you doubt things about yourself and i am stunned. I see so much in your writing and it just is so….cool (stupid word).

    Fa is an amazing little girl with a stupendous mom.

    She is gonna do fabulous at pre-school. Just wait…. and you? Puh-leeze… you will do great just by watching her thrive. She will always need her mommy. She will always be your baby. It will just change. She will need you in different ways. And I am betting that each of those ways will be just as satisfying as what you have now. Just different.

    Don’t even TRY arguing with me on this one. You *won’t* win. muuuuaaaaahhhhhhhhhh

  17. You do that for her everyday already, JJ.

  18. “How will I protect her yet help her be her own person?”

    There’s the rub. When you have this worked out, could you let me know. Thanks.

  19. You are a great mom just in wanting this for your daughter and thinking about it. It makes me see that I need to be the role model in this. If I want my kids to be happy and strong, I need to make sure I am happy and strong.

  20. if it helps you are asking yourself the questions every good Mom asks herself…am I making the right choices??? how can I let them step out into the world yet still keep them safe??

    I would like to say it gets easier as they get older but it wouldn’t be the truth..lmao.

    Teenagers open a hole new can of worry whoop-a**…hee hee.

    Buckle up tight,….is a bumpy ride of life..roflmao.

  21. I don’t know you – but somehow I have complete confidence that you’ll keep asking yourself these kinds of questions, you’ll figure out what works best for you and Fa, and she will grow strong. And independent. And happy. Thanks to your example.

  22. I know. I’m sad that my princess isn’t so little anymore. It makes me even more sad when she talks back to me…it’s just a foreshadowing of what’s to come when she’s a teenager.

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