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O.A.*

September 11, 2007

Hi. My name is ~JJ! and I am an overthinker. (All of you in unison…Hi ~JJ!)

Me: I am having a difficult time ‘over’ thinking of all the worse case scenarios that can happen during summertime activities.

You: Like what darling? Please try to be specific.

Me: Well, we took Fa to her cousin’s pool yesterday and of course we didn’t bring her bathing suit or mine for that matter because it’s a fairly new pool and we didn’t think it’d be open. But all she wanted to do was go in and I wasn’t about to. I really hate the pool. I have a swimsuit issue too..but that’s for the “Mommy-Belly Anonymous” meeting next week.

You: Poor baby. What did she do?

Me: Well, she wanted to get by the edge of the pool to put her hands and feet in and all I could imagine was her falling in and drowning. I don’t know CPR…but that’s for the ‘Scared of Everything” meeting tomorrow.

You: Was she in any danger whatsoever?

Me: You see, that’s the problemo. I can’t help but envision her falling in even when there are plenty of people around…(but not really watching.) I feel like I’m the only one watching/hawking her. (and my husband, of course) Then I get the ‘you’re an overprotective mom vibe’ happenin’ and I start to feel self-conscious and paranoid.

It’s the paranoia and lack of self-esteem as a mom that makes me feel this way. I know I’m being overprotective but that’s my daughter dangling in the pool. I like to think I don’t care if people think that way about me but I do. I felt like shit already because she wanted to go swim and we wouldn’t let her. Now, I’m following her around like a puppy because she won’t hold my hand and wants to look at the kids playing in the unfinished and un-gated pool.

You: You might want to get over that, you are going to make her neurotic.

Me: Thanks. I know that already. That’s why I’m here.

You: Well, you have at least 26 more years of ‘OA’ before you get cured…Drink some coffee and relax…

*Posted last year some time at my “other place” but I wanted to re-post it here because I read this and felt it all over again. I wanted Jen to know that we all think this way about all sorts of crap…it’s not just her.

***

This day doesn’t get past me. We lost some friends 6 years ago and we had just returned from our honeymoon a month earlier. Life changed for me on this day and I will never be the same because of the tragedy. Our safety has been infringed upon and as strong as a city we are, we still feel it every day.

I haven’t forgotten.

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19 comments

  1. That was one surreal day for all of us, but losing people you loved in that tragedy has got to be so difficult. Thinking of you, love and sending hugs and support.

    xo,
    fellow overthinker


  2. The queen of overthinking right here!

    You are so close to all that happened 6 years ago, I’m sure it’s effects are still palpable.

    We were at my cousin’s pool this weekend, and I’m a raving basket case with Miss E around that water – I feel exactly as you, and many other moms do. It’s too dangerous not to.


  3. I’m the over protective mom too.


  4. Hi ~JJ!

    Although I am all about the swimming (because I was a fish as a kid and my husband can barely swim), I am all about thinking worse case scenario in other situations. Sadly I believe it is our culture that dictates the fear. When we were kids we went to the park by ourselves to play with the other kids. I would NEVER let Becca go to the park by herself. I remember doing it BEFORE I went to school so I had to be like four?!?!

    Parents live in fear because we have too much information about all the things that COULD go wrong. Obesity is so about not being able to go outdoors like kids used to be able to.

    I think it is valid though, I am not trying to undervaluing your feelings or any other mother, instead point out our parents did not live with the same fear.


  5. You shouldn’t forget. No one should.

    Very well said, by the way. I was touched by this. I didn’t know anyone personally who died that day; I am sorry for the loss of your friends.


  6. Baby steps, JJ, baby steps. That’s what I keep telling myself. Every time we let go just a little bit it gets easier and easier. We’ll always worry though. Being a mom is the most vulnerable, frightening, and exhausting experience that I have ever known.


  7. You are right to be worried around a pool (remember my almost drowning story?). And if you didn’t worry, what kind of mom would you be???

    I remember too… I was a little worried that I’d wake up today to something happening again.


  8. I haven’t forgotten either…I’m sorry about you losing your friends. I felt paralyzed way out here on the West Coast, I CAN’T IMAGINE how New Yorkers felt…

    And with the O.A. thing? You’re in good company, darling…or bad company…perspective, you know… 🙂


  9. Oh you. Thanks for the link love. I’ve gotten some very nice comments and as a fellow overthinker I’m sure you know how much a little reassurance can really matter.


  10. You wouldn’t be a Mom if you didn’t overthink.


  11. Overthinking happens as soon as the strip turns pink.

    I’m so sorry you lost friends. That must have been terribly hard.


  12. Ha, I love what Shauna said about overthinking happening as soon as the strip turns pink. True indeed!

    We’re forever changed by 9/11/01. I had family in the DC area and was terrified that something happened. Fortunately they weren’t near the area that was targeted. I’m so sorry about your friends and for all the lives that were lost.
    Truly devastating. All the victims families are in my thoughts and prayers !


  13. I did post a poem about today’s anniversary.

    I stopped by your friend’s blog and left a comment about the medication post…hopefully it will help her.


  14. You sooooo need to hop on a plane, come down here. Bring Fa (I have a slip and slide – no falling in and drowning!!) and we can have margaritas and hang out with all the other houston ladies.

    Come on…..


  15. We’re over-thinkers? I always thought I was a hyper-analyzer. No wonder I couldn’t find the meetings.

    So with ya hon.

    And I remember too. I’m sorry you lost friends.


  16. Yes, it was horrible.

    And I will join your support group for overthinkers and worried mamas.


  17. I think fear, when you become a parent, starts to simply be a sort of ever present hum in the back of you head.

    The trick is to bring them up without making them the mess we feel inside ourselves.


  18. even when they grow up you still worry about them. Maybe you need to be reminded you are a good mother, protector, advocate. The first step is to get in the water. with her. (:

    Lost friends — how very sad …..and so barbaric a day.


  19. I’m the same darn way, and so are all of my mommy cousins! We all call each other to commiserate!



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