Speaking of overthinking…September 12, 2007
…We went to a block party over the weekend.
Am I the only one who feels the need to keep track of all the kids I know for fear that their parents are overwhelmed and can’t do it themselves…????
Am I the only one who is overwhelmed by the ‘freedom’ that a block party entails. Running in the street without looking both ways, through the neighborhood and generally being all over the place?
Speaking of running through the street. Fa was standing on the edge of the sidewalk and playing with this one kid who was throwing little plastic balls across the street and running after them. She was throwing the balls too, itching to run and fetch them like the other boy. But she wouldn’t run in the street. I was so proud that all of my nagging (at the corners, we stop, look and listen) sunk in. I was also quite impressed that even Fa’s most favorite things in the world…balls…(just like her ma) wouldn’t entice her into the street. So I ran over to her and praised her for using her head and not running in the street. But at this particular party the street corners are blocked off and there are no cars, so we can, in fact, run into the street because it’s safe.
Well, her little eyeballs lit up like fireworks…the smile that enveloped her face was to die for. She went after those balls with a joy I have never seen. All because I told her it was safe. And she understood. But she was following my rules already set in place.
See, I have one kid. A fairly behaved one who sticks close and judges her surroundings before she darts off. She always asks permission and makes sure she can usually see me when she does finally gather to courage to dart off…She plays it safe. Like her parents. It makes me happy. Because, well, you know.
Those people with three kids. Yeah, they can’t seem to keep track of everyone. And it makes me nervous. Every time they turned around they were asking, ‘Where’s N?’ ‘Where’s M?’ They could only keep track of the baby because he can’t walk yet. I always knew where their kids were before they did. I was exhausted by the end of the party. I had to make sure all the kids were safe. I’m not knocking these people, again. I’m just confused. I need an answer.
How do you stay so calm is what I wanna know? How do you NOT know where your kid is in such a hectic environment and remain calm? How do you let them run so free and keep your cool? You are clearly overwhelmed. How do you not realize that?
I think too much. I know. But I also know my limitations and more than one kid just might send me to the looney bin. How do you not know when it’s too many? Or, better question, how do you overlook the fact that it may be too many? …And just learn to roll with it.
If I am overwhelmed with one, how are they staying so friggin’ laid back, with three?
Am I defective? Am I a total basket case who can’t grasp this motherhood thing? Is it too much for me? Did I get myself into something I can’t handle?
Fa went to the dentist this week. First time ever. She rocked that dentist’s chair. All of my concerns for her anxious personality flew out the door when she had that phenomenal check up.
She never ceases to amaze me.
I think it’s me.
Why am I overwhelmed with the other shoe? Why am I expecting the worst to happen when all is calm and there is nothing going on other than, I’m relaxing..or trying to?
I have nothing but good surrounding me…and I’m waiting impatiently for the bad.
I am working on not making her neurotic. I am “therapizing” myself so I can give her a ‘semi-normal’ childhood without a crazy loon for a mother.
This shit is hard, man.