Ok, so I cried.September 19, 2007
And I was doing so well too.
Fa has been having a ball. I have been waiting alongside the other mommies for two days to see our little babies go off to class.
The waiting was the easy part.
The camaraderie of the other ‘mothers in waiting’ got me through my own anxieties.
Today I am supposed to just leave.
Leave her there.
Now, I know she’s not all alone, and the staff there is more than qualified and competent for sure. She loves the kids and she already has favorite things to do in class.
But I am all alone. What do I do with myself?
I am finally feeling the tug at my apron strings. And I never even owned an apron.
My baby goes off to enjoy her time in school. My head is reeling with “what if’s”.
What if she needs me and I’m not there fast enough?
What if she thinks I’m right downstairs and it takes me too long to get to her?
What if she gets hurt?
What if she feels scared and they don’t know it?
What if they can’t ‘read her’ like I can? (I know when a meltdown is happening way before it actually happens)
What if they can’t reach me on my cell phone?
What if I get into an accident while she’s in school?
Gah. All these “what if’s” are driving me crazy.
So, last night during my DVR’d marathon of The Pick up Artist and Rock of Love. I bawled.
I bawled until she woke up at 2:15am saying that she wasn’t tired and she needed company.
I dried off, schnuggled with her ‘for a song’ and returned to my room, scared. For myself.
She woke up two more times after that and The Pro took over.
He got her talking all about school and how much fun she has and all of the things she does there and my mind eased a little.
He told her it’s late and she needs to get some sleep for school tomorrow and we didn’t hear from her again.
But I am still here wondering. Should I stay or should I go?
When I give her that hug and smooch before she runs off to her classroom, do I plan to stay there for ‘just one more day, just in case’ or do I bite the big one and go home?
You see friends, I am the one with separation anxiety.