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Ok, so I cried.

September 19, 2007

And I was doing so well too.

Fa has been having a ball. I have been waiting alongside the other mommies for two days to see our little babies go off to class.

The waiting was the easy part.

The camaraderie of the other ‘mothers in waiting’ got me through my own anxieties.

Today I am supposed to just leave.

Leave her there.

All ‘alone’.

Now, I know she’s not all alone, and the staff there is more than qualified and competent for sure. She loves the kids and she already has favorite things to do in class.

But I am all alone. What do I do with myself?

I am finally feeling the tug at my apron strings. And I never even owned an apron.

My baby goes off to enjoy her time in school. My head is reeling with “what if’s”.

What if she needs me and I’m not there fast enough?
What if she thinks I’m right downstairs and it takes me too long to get to her?
What if she gets hurt?
What if she feels scared and they don’t know it?
What if they can’t ‘read her’ like I can? (I know when a meltdown is happening way before it actually happens)
What if they can’t reach me on my cell phone?
What if I get into an accident while she’s in school?

Gah. All these “what if’s” are driving me crazy.

So, last night during my DVR’d marathon of The Pick up Artist and Rock of Love. I bawled.

I bawled until she woke up at 2:15am saying that she wasn’t tired and she needed company.

I dried off, schnuggled with her ‘for a song’ and returned to my room, scared. For myself.

She woke up two more times after that and The Pro took over.

He got her talking all about school and how much fun she has and all of the things she does there and my mind eased a little.

He told her it’s late and she needs to get some sleep for school tomorrow and we didn’t hear from her again.

But I am still here wondering. Should I stay or should I go?

When I give her that hug and smooch before she runs off to her classroom, do I plan to stay there for ‘just one more day, just in case’ or do I bite the big one and go home?

You see friends, I am the one with separation anxiety.

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15 comments

  1. Bite the big one and go home! I have a feeling you know this already.

    I understand that this is hard (sort of, since right now I’m thinking – how can I get Miss E into preschool – somewhere!!!)

    You’ll get into your groove sooner, if you don’t prolong the inevitable.

    How about planning on taking her after school to do something fun. A nice surpriser for Fa, and something for you to look forward to?


  2. That’l be me for sure. I am already going through a little seperation anxiety just thinking about the day Jacob will get married. I know, I know, that is a little far into the future yet but don’t you just with you could hold onto them and sqeese onto them forever.


  3. Oh!! The stress.

    You know she needs to spread her wings–and so do you. But darn it’s so hard.

    Wishing I could be there to give you a big squeeze my friend.


  4. Just think of it this way, when you get her home you’ll really appreciate the time you two have together after school. She’s going to entertain you even more by telling you all the tales of school, playing, learning and making friends. This, alonem, is very rewarding and makes the separation worth it. Its wonderful to see what they’ve learned.


  5. Baby steps. Each time you let go a little bit, it gets easier and easier to let go. By the time she’s ready for college you’ll be pushing her out the door. Or at least we hope we will.


  6. It’s so hard. It sounds like she’s doing well at school, though. And soon you will be doing as well as her. I hope focusing on her happiness brings a smile to your face.


  7. Happens to the best of us!

    Hang in there, sweets. It of course will get better.


  8. It’s okay to have separation anxiety. You’ve been with her everyday for 3 years. It’ll take time to get used to it…for both of you.


  9. It’s okay to have separation anxiety. You’ve been with her everyday for 3 years. It’ll take time to get used to it…for both of you.


  10. Go home. Find some things YOU want to do with YOUR free time.

    She’ll be home soon enough at the end of each school day.

    ENJOY YOURSELF!!!!!


  11. HOw’d it go????

    Big hugs to ya!


  12. oh gosh! You are such a good mom. Letting go when she is ready even though you are not. I hope to wake up in the morning to read that you were brave and walked on out and danced naked in your living room 🙂


  13. hmmmmph!
    You make the sacrifice for her… and go home.


  14. *hugs*

    I had this kind of separation anxiety with both of mine, so I totally understand. I see what you mean by a rough week now. I do hope things get easier as time passes.


  15. I have been off tending to the sick for about a week so I am sorry I am so far behind. Hopefully by now things are going a bit better…all I can say is this – I know it doesn’t help, but everything you are feeling is COMPLETELY normal…hang in there..it will get better…I promise.



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