Happy Fall and allSeptember 24, 2007
So. I kick Donkey Ass according to Slacker-Mom.
I thank you from the bottom of my boot-ay. This may be the craziest award I have eva won. You know I love that.
This past week has left me with not a giggle to spare. I am drawn out. Beat. This made me smile. It means a lot to me, this Donkey Butt Blog Bling.
It’s fall again.
I find that this season always makes me feel renewed, refreshed. Ready to begin again.
But as I look back at years past. I haven’t gone very far in my personal quest for balance.
I’m happy, don’t get me wrong. I have a great life. Aside from the anxiousness, unresolved anger and depression that sprouts up here and there.
There’s nothing in my life now that I want to change. However.
I am missing some aspects of my past life that I wish I had never given up. And I am all too afraid it may be too late to go there again.
So as much as I’d like to feel refreshed. I am feeling regret. Regret for things not nourished. Regret for decisions I’ve made with a clouded mind. Regret for crap that has happened to me far out of my control. Still, regret.
Fa started dance class last week. I am missing my old days. As a dancer. I am feeling rueful for some silly changes I made, that I should have thought longer and harder about. The floodgates were already opened with preschool starting and this just topped it all off. It’s very hard to hold back tears in front of total strangers.
And preschool is fucking hard, man.
So, I am setting a goal for myself. And I am taking this time, right now. To try to stop crying for a split second and to start going to the gym while the Fa Fa is in school. It will give me some time to myself and help me feel good again. I am going to strengthen up my outside as I moderate my insides…By Christmas, I want to be prepared for anything. I want to have flatter abs too.
I may even take a dance class. When I’m ready of course.