Happy Fall and all

September 24, 2007

So. I kick Donkey Ass according to Slacker-Mom.

I thank you from the bottom of my boot-ay. This may be the craziest award I have eva won. You know I love that.

This past week has left me with not a giggle to spare. I am drawn out. Beat. This made me smile. It means a lot to me, this Donkey Butt Blog Bling.

You know who I think kicks Donkey Butt? GHD, Seattle Mamacita, Tiffany, DSB, RWA and Pamela…Plus all the friends in my entire Google Reader, but I can’t link here all day.

It’s fall again.

I find that this season always makes me feel renewed, refreshed. Ready to begin again.

But as I look back at years past. I haven’t gone very far in my personal quest for balance.

I’m happy, don’t get me wrong. I have a great life. Aside from the anxiousness, unresolved anger and depression that sprouts up here and there.

There’s nothing in my life now that I want to change. However.

I am missing some aspects of my past life that I wish I had never given up. And I am all too afraid it may be too late to go there again.

So as much as I’d like to feel refreshed. I am feeling regret. Regret for things not nourished. Regret for decisions I’ve made with a clouded mind. Regret for crap that has happened to me far out of my control. Still, regret.

Fa started dance class last week. I am missing my old days. As a dancer. I am feeling rueful for some silly changes I made, that I should have thought longer and harder about. The floodgates were already opened with preschool starting and this just topped it all off. It’s very hard to hold back tears in front of total strangers.

And preschool is fucking hard, man.

So, I am setting a goal for myself. And I am taking this time, right now. To try to stop crying for a split second and to start going to the gym while the Fa Fa is in school. It will give me some time to myself and help me feel good again. I am going to strengthen up my outside as I moderate my insides…By Christmas, I want to be prepared for anything. I want to have flatter abs too.

I may even take a dance class. When I’m ready of course.



  1. Atta girl!

  2. Ready for anything, and great abs too. I love those goals šŸ™‚

  3. You know, that’s a great plan. I may “steal” it for myself. Eventually, preschool will get easier for you. šŸ™‚

    And thanks for the Kick Donkey Butt award…I love that!


  4. Good for you(on the award and going to the gymn)!

  5. That’s more like it. I knew you could do it!!!!

    Have fun at the gym.

  6. oh geez. I am so glad I did not put Becca in preschool yet. I do not think I could handle it at the moment with everything else! Once a week for an hour at Sunday school is hard enough!

    I think it is a great idea to hit the gym while Fa is in school! Working out always makes me feel better.

  7. Love it! You go, JJ!

  8. Working out the body is always good for the mind. Have at it!

  9. THat location widget FREAKS me out!! Saraland, AL just arrived, wha, huh?!

    Anyway, getting out would be good for you. Do something for yourself. you deserve it!

  10. ach.

    the regret. I know it well.

    Getting back to the gym was the best thing I did for my head. And my abs.

  11. Preschool is the perfect exercise time. I got my mojo back during preschool. You can re-claim some rock hard abs!

  12. J-
    I knew you were gonna get there. I am so proud of you. If only I could be so brave! You are my role model for taking the steps to gainging balance, cuz I am crooked as hell! I could have emailed this to you but I want the whole free blogiesphere to know. You had it in you the whole time and know you are claiming bits of yourself back yay you!


  13. Your plan is a great one…you need something to distract you while she is at school…good idea!!!

  14. you go girl !!!

  15. Oh wow! Thanks so much for the award! I’ll have to share the love.

    Best of luck with getting back to the gym. I’m so excited for you! It will be such a great way for that time between drop off and pick up to fly by!

  16. You’re welcome, lovey.

    I cried with you as I read this. I feel your struggles. My life is good but yet I feel unhappy and irritable more than not. I also have regret, anger, and depression. At times the loss of my still alive parents is unbearable. It all hits me in waves. I think being a parent brings many of these repressed feelings to the surface.

    Going to the gym is a great idea. Taking time for myself is what helps me get through icky days. I feel your pain, girl and I think about you often. I wish we could hang out.

  17. I love it. Your blog DOES kick some donkey butt!!

  18. Good for you! Think of yourself for once.

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