She has more friends than me and I’m glad.December 11, 2007
Fa had her 4th birthday party over the past weekend.
18 kids were there. That’s about 17 more friends she has than me.
I am impressed.
Most of her school friends came and showered her with love and affection. My heart swells for her.
She is such a big girl. I look back at the first few days of her life and I was so unsure. Of everything.
Now, in amazement, I watch her interact with her friends and enjoy herself.
That’s the key. Enjoyment. She actually does that now. Without fear or trepidation. A big step in the life of Fa.
And a big step in the growth of her Ma.
We have both entered this world of Mother/Daughter unsure and anxious. Scared and doubtful.
But we are maturing into this uniform being of two hearts growing and learning from each other. Two souls connected by love. Two girls growing up. One into motherhood, the other into childhood…and beyond.
I am in utter and sheer love. Unconditional (yet, annoyed by tantrums) love.
I am proud of her for stepping up and being brave. I am proud of her for trusting herself to totally enjoy the moment without inhibition. She is teaching me to do the same.
I am proud of me for accepting this fate and enveloping my tiny charge into my heart and soul.
I was doubtful in the beginning. Doubtful that I could handle this job. This never-ending job of Motherhood.
But I am more sure now than ever before, that as she grows and teaches me how to love…There is nothing else in this world that I am supposed to do. But be there for her. And help her grow and teach her how to be a strong and independent woman.
Yes, I slip up. I curse at her and I yell when I really shouldn’t. I lose patience and throw things in frustration. But I am human. And I am teaching her that above all else, my love is always there. And no matter what mistakes we make, we will always love.
In her life, I pray that she is overwhelmed with friends and treats them with respect, honesty and love. I pray she guides them when they need her and they return the favor.
In my life, I wish to watch her grow and build the life she wants. I wish to support her decisions and I hope that I have taught her how to make the right ones.
I can only wish she sees how much I truly adore her. My life wouldn’t be complete unless she knew how much she was loved.
My very big girl. Out of all the little girls in the world, how did I get the very best one?