Just thinkingFebruary 21, 2008
Thank you all for the encouraging responses from my last two posts. I don’t know what I’d do without you guys!!!
I’ve been thinking. And because I’m so tired of writing semi-coherent thoughts I’m giving you some dot points.
- She’s my oldest friend so she knows more about me than anyone on this earth, besides my father and my Aunt.
- She keeps me connected to a past that I have been forced to grieve over and let go little by little.
- She reminds me of all the stuff I may have forgotten from my past.
- I feel like her leaving means taking those memories away too.
- I may be holding on tight to something that she may be letting go of.
- I may have to accept that.
- This is a loss of great magnitude, similar but surely not equal to the death of my mother.
- Besides her moving so far away, she is moving on with her life and family as well.
- I am comparing myself to her…like a sister would…and thinking, why can’t I do that?
- Her moving is dredging up a whole shit-load of feelings from loss, to anger, to grief, to sadness then back again.
- I could be wrong about what I thought our friendship was, I feel betrayed.
- I could be the only one feeling all this and she’s thinking nothing of it because I’m always there for her.
- I need to move on, accept the relationship for what it’s worth or cut ties.
- I need to find the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
I’ll get there. Eventually.
My head hurts from all this thinking. I need to go play with my daughter now.