Archive for the ‘farfallina’ Category


Time weighs heavy on my heart.

February 25, 2008

I bent down to pick up my beautiful daughter tonight and I had trouble for the first time ever. I bent at the knees and felt my back give out from the heaviness of her. Her body slacked in my arms and I had to use all of my weight to counter her 47 pound frame and get her into my arms.

When she was a baby, she fit right into that little nook between my hip and my neck and never felt heavy. I could dance around the house with her there, vacuum, talk on the phone…all while she just sat and hung on. All while my right arm was doing something else.

I remember dancing her to sleep in her room during nap times and bed time. As she rested in that nook, we would boogie to tunes like: Ricky Martin, Usher, Guns N’ Roses. We woke up to Z100 and went to bed with Travis and Celine Dion. I would sing and sway and rock to the beat and watch her as she drifted off into that space right before deep sleep. I never put her down right away. I savored her every inch before I put her in her crib. I have always loved the way she smelled of baby powder and sweat. And I have always adored the feel of her soft, feather-like hair tickling my neck and cheek. I never wanted to let go of that innocent joy. Even at my most insecure times as a mother, I always knew the feel of her.

I never grew tired holding her. I never felt like she was too heavy even after after a long while dancing and rocking. And there were days and long nights of dancing and rocking especially during the colicky months. But, I always loved being with her like that. Just me and her. Bonding. Mother and daughter. We still do it, but just for a few songs…Mommy’s back gives out now.

She’s growing so much I can’t keep track of her milestones anymore. She’s active and intelligent and thriving exponentially.

The diary I started for her four years ago remains in my drawer, each page filled with all of the new experiences and milestones we achieved together. I return to it on the hard days, remembering how trying those first few months were. I read her progression of the words she’s learned and I realize that she spoke so early and has mastered language at a phenomenal pace.

I sit and compare the past to the present, wondering which year was the hardest. I still can’t answer that.

All I know is that I love her with a passion I could never believe existed. And as I lifted her up tonight I wept. I wept for the baby I once had and for the girl I now struggled to hold in my arms without getting weary.

Her body is changing, her mind is expanding, her world is growing. She’s harder to hold in more was than one. But I promise her I will never let her go. No matter how old she is, she will always be my baby.

I have her saying it now too. “Mommy, even when I’m 35, I’ll still be your baby.”

And I wonder, can I have that in writing? Because I really need to believe that is true.


Happy Valentine’s Day

February 14, 2008

I got the best valentine ever this year.

Fa wrote one in school. Then, they mailed it here.

I cried.

It says:

Dear Mom, RT, and Dad,

My mom helps me wash up and she gets my burpies too. I love going to the park with my dad and swinging in the bucket swings. I love when RT calms down but he doesn’t.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Love, Fa….

Can’t get any better than that. I am truly in love.

Today, I send my love throughout the blogshpere to all my Valentine’s. Happy Healthy Hearts Day to you!!!


I can’t go anyplace else for truth, honesty and love. I thank you.


Let’s begin this debate.

February 11, 2008

Since we’ve all been sick. I brought Fa to the doctor last week.

Her pediatrician examined her and asked me if I was trying to get her into kindergarten a year early.

You see, the cut off date for entering kindergarten in our town is December 1st. Fa’s birthday is 19 days after that. So, she has to wait another year. Which means she will be older than most of her classmates.

It didn’t bother me much until her pediatrician suggested I rally to get her in early. She thinks she’s more than ready and will be bored in preschool for another whole year. It all sounds so nice, and I’m absolutely sure she’s ready when it comes to learning skills and development…but what if she’s not really ready emotionally?

She took all this time to come into herself and finally get comfortable in her world. And as most of you know, it was a difficult process for her and a painful one for me. What if pushing her into something bigger too soon makes her digress? Scares her?

I also thought she wasn’t ready for preschool and she totally rocked that out.

I’m torn.

As a teacher, I know the benefits of school and entering when you are ready. I know she will thrive and grow and learn exponentially. I know she’s socially comfortable at last and I know that she will be bored if she’s not pushed.

As a mother, I don’t know if MY daughter is emotionally ready. (I don’t know if I’M emotionally ready.) And I see how much she loves school right now, I don’t want to discourage her. I also know that if she’s pushed too hard, she frustrates and GIVES UP easily.

Plus, I put her in this preschool specifically so she could experience school in a positive atmosphere and enter kindergarten with children she knows, kids she has become friends with and friends she is comfortable around.

I would be taking that away if I got her into kindergarten this September.

I read Chelle’s post about how difficult it is to let go of our children and the choices we make as parents that are best for us all. And I wonder if following my gut just may be the best thing here.

My gut says, leave her be. Let her experience preschool as it was designated by school district. There’s a cut off date for a reason.

But my brain says, push her…she’ll do it. She always succeeds in every new task she tries…since birth. She’s phenomenal, she’ll thrive.

If you were in my shoes, what would you do?


Not so Care Bear

January 30, 2008

My kid is into Care Bears…I love that she is so into something like this. It makes my heart sing. She plays with them all the time. They are her friends. She loves them with all of her heart.

She watches the Care Bears Big Wish Movie every day. She wants all the Care Bears ever created, lemme tell ya, that’s a lot. She has a few other videos too…from the 80’s. Brings back memories. Me and my BFF ‘K’ used to play with them after school.

So I started looking online to try to find some more of her favorites.

After all, she already has:


Conversations on a potty.

January 23, 2008

Mind you, Fa doesn’t want me in there when she’s sitting…so this conversation was yelled from the living room to the potty room. (And I still wipe her when she poos. I’m like the Poo Patrol. Poo Programmer. Poo Powerhouse. Hiney Wiper extraordinare…you get the point.

Fa (sitting on the pot): “I’m usually done!”

Me: “What does that mean?”

Fa: “What does usually mean?”

Me: “Most of the time.”

Fa: “I’m done…Usually.”

Me: “Ready?”

Fa: “No, not yet.”

Me: “Are you ready or not?”

Fa: “Not.”

Me: “Please call me when you are ready.”

Fa: “Maaaaaahm!”

Me: “Done?”

Fa: “Give me a few more minutes!”

Me: “Fa, just call me when you are ready to get clean.”

Fa: “I’m done!”

Fa: “Not!”

Fa: “Yup!”

Fa: “Nope, still more to go.”

Fa: “RT, come in here I need you.”

Me: “Fa, leave RT outta this.”

Fa: “I’m really ready now…..”

Fa: “Maaahhhhm?”

Fa: “I’m done, I said.”

Fa: “You know, you’re not moving fast enough…”

The life.


Our newest story…

January 16, 2008

This is Fa’s latest publication called “The Happy Ladybug”. I love this story so much because it really shows how much she’s grown artistically. Okay. I know, the story structure needs work. But how friggin’ hysterical is the whole thing? She really put all of her effort into this…I swear I didn’t help her with anything but transcribing her thoughts!

Front Cover (Title and author)
(She drew all the pictures and narrated the story, I wrote down her words.)

(First there was a Happy Ladybug. Along came a cat.)

(Then, a frog ate flies on his lily pad. Then, along came a dog eating food in his blue bowl.)

(A cow drinking milk joined the party. A girlfriend doggy (look at the eyelashes) was minding her own business and running in the grass.)

(Just look at her udders. Hysterical! I can’t stand it!)

(A rainy day happened! Then, the rain went away and a sunny day came!)

(All the animals came out and played tag. A birdy joined in the game of tag. He said, “Can I come and play tag with you guys?” A snail came and slimed around in the garden.) (She used quotations!)

(A mouse was walking in the street and he was very careful by a car. All the friends went home for snack and played happily ever after.)

See, it’s moments like this that make it all worth while.

Makes staying up all night, just a smidgen easier.


Potty Training Round 5,989*

January 10, 2008

(*Initially written on 2/11/07 and I am reposting it here to celebrate our accomplishments! Looking at it now, I sound like a madwoman, and I didn’t see it then, but she was so getting ready and I should have just stayed calm…But I didn’t of course)

Ok, listen to this. Yesterday, Fa wanted to be nekkid ALL FRIGGIN DAY!

Bare ass.
Naked as a jaybird.
Nudie, like the day she was born.
All. Day. Long.

This started in the middle of the week. I found her naked in the living room on more than one occasion.

I approached this new milestone in many different ways.

I congratulated her on being able to FINALLY undress herself.

I ignored it.

I laughed.

I warned that we only do this at HOME.

I gently reminded her NOT to pee on my COUCH!

Then, I finally asked what she was thinking. After all, we can’t be nekkid all day long. We do leave the house once in a while and she does need to be clothed in order to go to school.

Her answer plain and simple. “Practicing to go on the potty Mom!”

Like, “You stooooopid jerk, what the hell do you think I’m doing…?”

So Friday, we went to go buy a little potty made especially for her. A Princess Potty. Complete with Snow White, Ariel, Cinderella and all the other women she really could care less about.

She was ecstatic! Excited to have it and raring to go…in it.

Saturday, she woke up and refused to put her clothes on. I didn’t argue, I figured ‘you go girl’, make it easy and just be naked…no panties to pull on and off and you can just plop a squat and be ready.

We trekked downstairs and she sat on that thing every chance she got. She watched TV on it, read and even ate her snack sitting on it. Did she put her goods in it?

Nope. Not once. All day.

She held it in. Again. All day.

After a while (hours upon hours), I could tell she needed to go. She sat and squeezed but only a dribble came out. We cheered and yelled and danced and sang nonetheless, and I gave her a sticker to put on the potty..that’s where she wants to put her reward stickers…On the pot.

The Pro came home from work to find her naked still and eating her dinner on the couch. I knew it was only a matter of time. She had been eating and drinking all day long. It had to come out some time.

She finally broke down. And peed. On my couch.

With that, she became embarrassed and threw the fit of all fits. Screaming and crying and yelling at The Pro to leave the house. She threw her toys and was enraged at it all.

With her begging for a Pamper, I dressed her and she peed.

She relaxed within seconds and that was that.

What the?

Don’t get it?

She refuses to sit on the pot. The big pot. The princess pot. Any pot out there…she just won’t do it.

The next size up from her Pampers size 6 is Depends.