Archive for the ‘loo’ Category


Conversations on a potty.

January 23, 2008

Mind you, Fa doesn’t want me in there when she’s sitting…so this conversation was yelled from the living room to the potty room. (And I still wipe her when she poos. I’m like the Poo Patrol. Poo Programmer. Poo Powerhouse. Hiney Wiper extraordinare…you get the point.

Fa (sitting on the pot): “I’m usually done!”

Me: “What does that mean?”

Fa: “What does usually mean?”

Me: “Most of the time.”

Fa: “I’m done…Usually.”

Me: “Ready?”

Fa: “No, not yet.”

Me: “Are you ready or not?”

Fa: “Not.”

Me: “Please call me when you are ready.”

Fa: “Maaaaaahm!”

Me: “Done?”

Fa: “Give me a few more minutes!”

Me: “Fa, just call me when you are ready to get clean.”

Fa: “I’m done!”

Fa: “Not!”

Fa: “Yup!”

Fa: “Nope, still more to go.”

Fa: “RT, come in here I need you.”

Me: “Fa, leave RT outta this.”

Fa: “I’m really ready now…..”

Fa: “Maaahhhhm?”

Fa: “I’m done, I said.”

Fa: “You know, you’re not moving fast enough…”

The life.


Potty Training Round 5,989*

January 10, 2008

(*Initially written on 2/11/07 and I am reposting it here to celebrate our accomplishments! Looking at it now, I sound like a madwoman, and I didn’t see it then, but she was so getting ready and I should have just stayed calm…But I didn’t of course)

Ok, listen to this. Yesterday, Fa wanted to be nekkid ALL FRIGGIN DAY!

Bare ass.
Naked as a jaybird.
Nudie, like the day she was born.
All. Day. Long.

This started in the middle of the week. I found her naked in the living room on more than one occasion.

I approached this new milestone in many different ways.

I congratulated her on being able to FINALLY undress herself.

I ignored it.

I laughed.

I warned that we only do this at HOME.

I gently reminded her NOT to pee on my COUCH!

Then, I finally asked what she was thinking. After all, we can’t be nekkid all day long. We do leave the house once in a while and she does need to be clothed in order to go to school.

Her answer plain and simple. “Practicing to go on the potty Mom!”

Like, “You stooooopid jerk, what the hell do you think I’m doing…?”

So Friday, we went to go buy a little potty made especially for her. A Princess Potty. Complete with Snow White, Ariel, Cinderella and all the other women she really could care less about.

She was ecstatic! Excited to have it and raring to go…in it.

Saturday, she woke up and refused to put her clothes on. I didn’t argue, I figured ‘you go girl’, make it easy and just be naked…no panties to pull on and off and you can just plop a squat and be ready.

We trekked downstairs and she sat on that thing every chance she got. She watched TV on it, read and even ate her snack sitting on it. Did she put her goods in it?

Nope. Not once. All day.

She held it in. Again. All day.

After a while (hours upon hours), I could tell she needed to go. She sat and squeezed but only a dribble came out. We cheered and yelled and danced and sang nonetheless, and I gave her a sticker to put on the potty..that’s where she wants to put her reward stickers…On the pot.

The Pro came home from work to find her naked still and eating her dinner on the couch. I knew it was only a matter of time. She had been eating and drinking all day long. It had to come out some time.

She finally broke down. And peed. On my couch.

With that, she became embarrassed and threw the fit of all fits. Screaming and crying and yelling at The Pro to leave the house. She threw her toys and was enraged at it all.

With her begging for a Pamper, I dressed her and she peed.

She relaxed within seconds and that was that.

What the?

Don’t get it?

She refuses to sit on the pot. The big pot. The princess pot. Any pot out there…she just won’t do it.

The next size up from her Pampers size 6 is Depends.


Day Six and….

July 18, 2007

I’m still counting…

Six days of dry panties…(Mine too actually!) and mine aren’t even in a bunch or anything…We have been pretty calm and cool and somewhat collected around here..


She is so proud and happy and actually cooperative about putting it all in the pot. Hmmm…do you think it’s the M&M’s every time she’s successful. Who cares? It works.

Oh! And I had to call the pound to tell them that Fa is continuing to use the pot and they should stay far away from the dawg.

“R.T. ” has totally found his wormy and obnoxious way into my empty hole of a heart.

Why must he be so annoying?

Why is it that every time I go to pet him he’s up the keyster?

Maybe because I haven’t gone to pet him until six friggin’ days ago!

He’s in shock! Pure and utter shell-shock!

Back to the loo…

We ventured out a few times and she’s stayed dry and happy and she loves to ask me if I love the sound of the pee hitting the bowl…How could I not?

It’s heaven on earth…that tinkle. That joyous sound is like the bells of St. Mary…Ahhhh….

I’m also finding that in order to keep her calm, I have to remain calm and patient and understanding..What a novel farking idea!

When I feel my temperature start to boil and my heart rate increase, I step back and find my ‘happy place’ and make a joke instead of yell. It’s also working.

She sometimes looks at me like: “Who are you and what did you do to my uptight mother?”

But we have been giggling a lot more and I honestly feel relieved that she’s doing it. So is she!

Chicken Little” is her new favorite movie and we watch it once a day…it makes us laugh and it loosens us up…I totally think we deserve that treat after all the hard work we’ve put in…This was one tough friggin’ week.

For both of us.

Today, it rained a lot and there were floods all over NYC and Long Island. The LIRR was delayed for hours so, the Pro is home and we are just lazing around and taking it easy…It feels nice.

Everybody now….Ahhhhhhh!

(P.S…Is anyone having trouble viewing this mess??? Lemme know, huh?)


Earning His keep and Other Lighthearted Thoughts

July 16, 2007

I know. Hard to believe, right. Lighthearted? Me?

Well, seems ‘Friday the Thirteenth’ turned out to be a not so bad day.

Instead of being like this:

It turned out to be more like this:

I know that I swore I wouldn’t talk potty until it actually happened…but guess what? It happened! (**Insert happy dance here**) Since Friday, July 13th 2007 to today…Monday, July 16th, 2007…We have had dry (and might I add quite colorful panties) on…and we have been putting our pee in the pot.

I know. Can you stand it?

I can’t either.

Wanna know how we did it?
Yup! Dopey.

We threatened to get rid of him if she didn’t start using the pot. And she did. Talk about fighting for what you believe in!

So she’s been dry since. Puttin’ the pee in the proper receptacle and….And poopin’! Because you know, my kid is a genius! (I can’t believe how it just friggin’ clicked this weekend!)

She wanted to wear her panties but she wouldn’t pee in the pot. So we had to take drastic measures. Seems Dopey is worth more than I give him credit for. Never underestimate the love of a puppy.

Wish us luck. There’s no turning back now. It’s panties or bust.

I was just on the phone with a friend telling her how the dreaded PT was nonexistent. And that day she started.

Trust me, there were tears in the beginning. But once she realized she could do it….There was no stoppin’ her.

She’s all “Mommy I have to pee!” Mommy I have to poop!” and we run to the pot and she sits and goes…Like she’s been doing it her whole entire life.

I guess there’s truth in what they say about letting her do it on her own time. When she’s ready!

And she’s so proud! I’ve never seen her light up as much!

Oh! My girlie!

That’s all I’m gonna say about that subject for now. (I don’t want to overdo it) But you all know how happy this makes me…


On an even lighter note: Last night, The Pro and I took in a show. Yes!

We saw Travis at Irving Plaza and it was so awesome.

I am more in love with this band now than ever before. We’ve seen them there once before but I didn’t know them all that well back then. And the last time they played there, Fa was a newborn and I was too messed up to go…

They rocked!

Fran Healey is absolutely brilliant. A showman! A musician! A songwriter…All of it.

And I got to see them play live!

They came out in colorful boxer’s robes to the Rocky theme through the audience and started paying this:

And then two hours later, they ended with this song again and This guy (Demitri Martin) did this exact skit on stage with them…Too friggin’ cool!

They played two whole hours of kick ass songs and The Pro and I boogeyed and shook our hineys and our throats are hoarse and it was phenomenal!

Now I’m tired and I’m being paged to go potty!

Ah! The small things in life. Yes?