Archive for the ‘weird’ Category

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The Black Hole

December 12, 2007

As per 12/12/07 these items have gone missing from the casa de filthy laundry.

  • 1 pair sunglasses (blue flowers)
  • 1 right winter boot from pair (pink and furry)
  • 1 pair Children’s Place panties (pink and blue camouflage) I just don’t know.
  • 3 sets hair clips (purple, green, yellow glitter)
  • 2 dog chewies (shredded) Probably ingested and crapped out already.
  • 1 stuffed kitten (“Puddin”, black) Better come outta hidin’ fast.
  • 1 pair mittens (pink) Of course.
  • 1 entire tea set including creamer and sugar bowl (floral, ceramic)
  • 1 roll stamps for thank you cards (Forever stamps)
  • unidentified number of Littlest Pet Shop pets (all favorites and devastation ensues)
  • 1 sane brain (Mom’s)

It’s amazing I find my bed at night.

Oh! And remember this rant? Well. I got what I want. I got the extended day Morning class. Ahem. Good for me.

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Fuck a Duck

December 6, 2007


I say it all the time.

Then I looked it up on the all knowing internet.

Urban Dictionary shows the wonderful tune it orignates from. Shall we teach our chillins this song?

Then, there’s a multitude of ways to use my favorite word: Fuck.

In my wanderings along the internetz…I found this site. Awesome. Look at the header. Ha!

And as I clicked along…I realized someone’s statcounter is gonna have the search “Fuck a duck” on it…Great. That’s me. Hi.

Wanna know what led people to me (at Gaining Balance)?

  • mom feels trapped‘ in Stratford, Connecticut. Hi! Me too sometimes. Great, how THAT search comes right to me.
  • one song, glory‘ in Ohio, Fremont..I know doesn’t it give you chills?
  • went to buy panties‘ in Singapore. The granny’s are universal.
  • wearing black t-shirt with brown belt‘ in Pennsylvania, State College…If you’re looking for my fashion advice. Don’t match the shirt with your belt, match your shoes with your belt…But that’s just me. I’m afraid the generation gap may lead us to disagree…Unless you’re a karate man. ‘Cause Karate man bruise on the inside…but they’re belts are different.
  • peed pants authority‘ in Tel Aviv. I am one, thank you. And welcome to my classroom.
  • I can’t seem to get my tampon in‘ in Maine, New Gloucester. I’m so sorry. Did you try squatting, or using a smaller one? Are you sure you’re a woman?
  • fall teeth lip blood‘ in Etela-suomen Laani, Tampere, Finland…Where the hell? What the hell?
  • refuse breast exams‘ in Limburg, Hasselt, Belgium..Honey, just Do It!!!
  • ‘caught wearing bloomers’ in UK… I hope they were clean! And who caught you?
  • ‘tampons come out curved’ in England, London, United Kingdom (Keele Univ.) – Yeouch!
  • I’ve been ‘crawled by a googlebot in NY quite a lot…should I be worried?
  • And I have many NY readers apparently…Come out and say hi…otherwise, I think you’re creepy.

You know what this really tells me…I’m not being Freaky-Deaky enough…I need to start talking poo and junk. Ha!

***Thanks Slackermommy!

napaward.jpg

(Again)

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Pre-Op/We Got Spirit

November 21, 2007

I had my pre-op testing yesterday for my historical event: THE polyp removal.

I am excited that maybe, just maybe the visits from that mean, old Aunt Flo will get easier.

My polyp is 3.5 centimeters in diameter…anyone who has dilated to give birth understands how friggin’ big that is to be carrying around in my uterus. Gah!

So my surgery is scheduled for Monday the 26th. The Monday after Thanksgiving here in the States. I better eat well. (Lot’sa stuffing. You know, I haven’t had a really good stuffing in ages. I don’t eat red meat and every time I go to Thanksgiving dinner, the stuffing has pork in it. I know, the “other White Meat”…But I still can’t do it.)

Can you tell, I’m nervous? I’m chatty.

***

I’ve been reading a few books at once these days. A few from James Van Praagh. Know him? He’s a spiritual medium. I’m reading Heaven & Earth as I type…It speaks of communicating with the spirit world, meditation and finding your psychic inner voice. I’m into this stuff, ya know.

Whether you believe or not, it’s helping me find a center.

And I’ve had some interesting “Psychic Spurts” throughout my life. These days, they are happening again.

Instances as of late are leading me to believe the the ‘spirit world’ aka ‘My Mom’ understands that I am trying to understand them/her…

Don’t think I’m nuts. I know I am, I don’t need you to add to that. This is different.

Some recent examples of Mom trying to let me know she’s here:

When I went to the bookstore the other day to find my next Van Praagh book, the shelves were packed to the gills. I couldn’t find him anywhere. I spent at least 20 minutes in the New Age section of the bookstore (with a salesperson) searching for him.

As I was about to give up and walk away, my eye caught a book, sticking out just a little bit more than the rest of the books on the shelves. I took a pause. I grabbed the book. Can you guess what it was? Yup. The EXACT book I was struggling to find in the midst of the packed, holiday shelves. No other books by him were there. Just THAT one.

I know.

Then, the TV has been changing volume all on its own. Without help from me or Fa.

I know.

Lastly, Fa came upstairs from the basement the other day. Telling me the lights are going on and off. She begged me to follow her downstairs. But I was on hold with the doctor’s office, I couldn’t go. I went downstairs a few hours later and a lightbulb was on the floor. It unscrewed itself from the ceiling socket and hit the floor without breaking… It was just lying there waiting for me. I called The Pro to see if he did it. Nada.

I know.

Whenever my Mom is near, I get a tingling in the back of my neck right above where my skull and my spine meet…It’s a quick flash of sensation, then it’s gone. It’s her way, I’ve grown to believe, of letting me know she’s here. This week, I can’t get rid of that tingling. It is a constant for the past day or so. I scratch and try to relieve the feeling but it won’t go away. It’s moving to the tip of my head and just kind of lingering. I can’t stay in my skin comfortably. It’s a constant tingle.

I know.

She’s here to protect me. I know. I am very nervous about the upcoming surgery (even though I know it’s really a normal procedure) but I am still thinking the worst. She’s guarding me. Taking every precaution not to let anything harm me. And she means business. For the first time, she’s persistent. She’s not giving up and she’s letting me know.

I just know.

I had to yell at her this morning:

“I know you’re here! I feel you. I swear it. But you’re freakin’ me out Mom! I know you’re here. I promise. But you really are freakin’ me out!”

She still won’t let me be.

I love you mom. I do. Thank you for protecting me. When I truly need it.

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Happy Halloweenie

October 31, 2007

Happy Halloween everyone!

There are three things never to be discussed with people…Religion, Politics and The Great Pumpkin.”
~Linus Van Pelt

Wanna play some games?

Carve a virtual pumpkin

Hangman

Boogie Bones

Hershey’s Fun Stuff

Maze Game

Don’t play this one in front of the kids!

Wanna know some history?

Wanna know why we Trick or Treat or bob for apples?

Have a great day from the ‘Creeps’ in NY!!!
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Wonder Woman and Sickly Dog

October 22, 2007

My bloggin’ bud Chelle is making my head swell.

She gave me this:“The Wonder Woman Award”

All that, after she gave me these:
I mean, c’mon…How much more can a gal take?

I’m gonna go and help her move to Canada myself if she keeps this up!

I actually thought about being Wonder Woman for Halloween…But I have no place to go this year. Just taking Fa to trick or treat…Amazing how the years have mellowed. And I am far from Wonder~ous these days.

I think I’m supposed to tag a bunch of people for this..but I am a little distraught today..(yet again) so I am gonna just give this award to “The Shake Shake Queen” because she is a true Wonder Woman in my eyes.

***

Saturday night was yummy. Sushi. And Asahi. My two favorite things. It couldn’t be a MNO because I was the only M.

This Saturday, the M’s are gonna try again. Wish us luck and pray for a crisp, cool, inclement weather free night!

***

RT is sick. Again.

This time, it’s not his bunghole. It seems to be his back. We were out all day yesterday and when we got home at night he was breathing funny and lethargic. The vet said to give him aspirin and see if he feels better. He’s still not himself this morning.

Fucking Puppy Mill…I swear I just found out the place we got him is a puppy mill and I truly think he’s defective…I’m sick to death over the poor research skills I implemented to find a dog. I admit. I am an ass. And I don’t feel like “Wonder Woman” when it comes to the dog.

Animal Rights, keep your comments to yourself…If anything, I rescued him from that shit-hole and now my guilt is pouring out of my wallet, so you can all just shut the fuck up.

I have to take him to the vet…again…ca~ching…and see what he thinks.

I hate to sound so concerned for my wallet here, but I am in a single income home and we paid an initial fortune for a dog that was supposed to be a healthy, pure breed. I have spent thousands in sick vet bills alone…forget his yearly and his shots and his food and his vitamins and his tick and flea regiment…I mean, c’mon already.

I may have to go back to work just to take care of the dog.

Again, bite me, animal rights…I’m not in the mood.

I may be back, I may not. Don’t wait around for me…I may be at work.

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Ramblings of a long weekend

September 10, 2007

Is it me, or does this look like a gigantic, ribbed dildo?
Is this show drug induced or what? Reminds me of High School.

What about him?

Love him? Hate him?

How much do you hate these two? Not as much as me. Where the fuck are the parents?

And what the H.E. Double Hockeysticks is this?
Fa got him in a happy meal and was obsessed. Then, we saw the cartoon for the first time that very same day. I’m weirded out. She’s giggling.

Do you find him annoying? I do. Fa is in love. I think she has a crush. Loogit his wig. Douche.

Every day. The same characters running through my TV or my computer.

What ever happened to this?
And this?
Is it me?

Or are all of todays cartoons drug induced?