I had my pre-op testing yesterday for my historical event: THE polyp removal.
I am excited that maybe, just maybe the visits from that mean, old Aunt Flo will get easier.
My polyp is 3.5 centimeters in diameter…anyone who has dilated to give birth understands how friggin’ big that is to be carrying around in my uterus. Gah!
So my surgery is scheduled for Monday the 26th. The Monday after Thanksgiving here in the States. I better eat well. (Lot’sa stuffing. You know, I haven’t had a really good stuffing in ages. I don’t eat red meat and every time I go to Thanksgiving dinner, the stuffing has pork in it. I know, the “other White Meat”…But I still can’t do it.)
Can you tell, I’m nervous? I’m chatty.
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I’ve been reading a few books at once these days. A few from James Van Praagh. Know him? He’s a spiritual medium. I’m reading Heaven & Earth as I type…It speaks of communicating with the spirit world, meditation and finding your psychic inner voice. I’m into this stuff, ya know.
Whether you believe or not, it’s helping me find a center.
And I’ve had some interesting “Psychic Spurts” throughout my life. These days, they are happening again.
Instances as of late are leading me to believe the the ‘spirit world’ aka ‘My Mom’ understands that I am trying to understand them/her…
Don’t think I’m nuts. I know I am, I don’t need you to add to that. This is different.
Some recent examples of Mom trying to let me know she’s here:
When I went to the bookstore the other day to find my next Van Praagh book, the shelves were packed to the gills. I couldn’t find him anywhere. I spent at least 20 minutes in the New Age section of the bookstore (with a salesperson) searching for him.
As I was about to give up and walk away, my eye caught a book, sticking out just a little bit more than the rest of the books on the shelves. I took a pause. I grabbed the book. Can you guess what it was? Yup. The EXACT book I was struggling to find in the midst of the packed, holiday shelves. No other books by him were there. Just THAT one.
I know.
Then, the TV has been changing volume all on its own. Without help from me or Fa.
I know.
Lastly, Fa came upstairs from the basement the other day. Telling me the lights are going on and off. She begged me to follow her downstairs. But I was on hold with the doctor’s office, I couldn’t go. I went downstairs a few hours later and a lightbulb was on the floor. It unscrewed itself from the ceiling socket and hit the floor without breaking… It was just lying there waiting for me. I called The Pro to see if he did it. Nada.
I know.
Whenever my Mom is near, I get a tingling in the back of my neck right above where my skull and my spine meet…It’s a quick flash of sensation, then it’s gone. It’s her way, I’ve grown to believe, of letting me know she’s here. This week, I can’t get rid of that tingling. It is a constant for the past day or so. I scratch and try to relieve the feeling but it won’t go away. It’s moving to the tip of my head and just kind of lingering. I can’t stay in my skin comfortably. It’s a constant tingle.
I know.
She’s here to protect me. I know. I am very nervous about the upcoming surgery (even though I know it’s really a normal procedure) but I am still thinking the worst. She’s guarding me. Taking every precaution not to let anything harm me. And she means business. For the first time, she’s persistent. She’s not giving up and she’s letting me know.
I just know.
I had to yell at her this morning:
“I know you’re here! I feel you. I swear it. But you’re freakin’ me out Mom! I know you’re here. I promise. But you really are freakin’ me out!”
She still won’t let me be.
I love you mom. I do. Thank you for protecting me. When I truly need it.
Dirty Laundry 