Haiku How Cool?

My Haiku “video edition”

midwesternmommy
video editing pro
and rocking you tube

New Mommy Canape
celebrating with her friend
good news all around!

Honored to be one
of the hands lending support
to our blogging friend

Makes me cry with joy
The way it inspires me
Inspires you too?

Friends from far and wide
virtually connecting
together to hug

Here it is…

If you can’t see it…click here for the link.

Cast of characters:

(Sign holders)

Dear – Marty

Susan – Kristie

We – Amy

Thinking – Heather

You – Jean

Lots – Jessica

We – Kristen

You – Robin

Our – Amanda

Support – Fertile Mertile

Prayers – Liz

and – JJ

Love – Jenn

Us – Jess

All – Rebecca

For – Nancy

That – Tamberlyn

Team – Sarah

(If I’ve forgotten any bloggers, PLEASE LET ME KNOW!)

(Cheering Section)

 Cathy and Nancy and myself.

There were even people who really wanted to participate but couldn’t as peeps unfortunately had been given a very short window of time. Amie and Sanne from the Netherlands support and adore Whymommy too!

***

Go here for Mr.Linky…to add your own piece of art.

To play along for Haiku Friday, follow these steps:

1. Write your own haiku on your blog. You can do one or many, all following a theme or just random. What’s a haiku, you ask? Click here.

2. Sign the Mister Linky at the above link with your name and the link to your haiku post (the specific post URL, not your generic blog URL). We will delete your link if it doesn’t go to a haiku. If you need help with this, contact Christina.

3. Pick up a Haiku Friday button to display on the post or in your sidebar by clicking the button above.

Happy Friday everyone.

Conversations on a potty.

Mind you, Fa doesn’t want me in there when she’s sitting…so this conversation was yelled from the living room to the potty room. (And I still wipe her when she poos. I’m like the Poo Patrol. Poo Programmer. Poo Powerhouse. Hiney Wiper extraordinare…you get the point.

Fa (sitting on the pot): “I’m usually done!”

Me: “What does that mean?”

Fa: “What does usually mean?”

Me: “Most of the time.”

Fa: “I’m done…Usually.”

Me: “Ready?”

Fa: “No, not yet.”

Me: “Are you ready or not?”

Fa: “Not.”

Me: “Please call me when you are ready.”

Fa: “Maaaaaahm!”

Me: “Done?”

Fa: “Give me a few more minutes!”

Me: “Fa, just call me when you are ready to get clean.”

Fa: “I’m done!”

Fa: “Not!”

Fa: “Yup!”

Fa: “Nope, still more to go.”

Fa: “RT, come in here I need you.”

Me: “Fa, leave RT outta this.”

Fa: “I’m really ready now…..”

Fa: “Maaahhhhm?”

Fa: “I’m done, I said.”

Fa: “You know, you’re not moving fast enough…”

The life.

I feel pretty!

Thanks to my sweetest friend Chelle.

See that new image header?

She designed it! And I adore it. It makes me feel sassy!

She worked on the idea on her own and surprised me with the image. I am in love.

See why I love blogging so?

I could never leave. You all make me feel so much better about things.

And you listen to my blather. All my complaining.

I promise, I will snap out of it. But thank you for putting up with me.

I hope I can be there for you friends, like you are there for me.

I wish we could all have a sassy margarita together…

Chelle, I wish I could repay you somehow…You so rock sistah.

Thanks from the bottom of my pink, satin bra!

Back to..What is Normal anyways?

Hi.

I’m so sorry.

I haven’t visited half the blogs I usually read on my “vacation” decent into illness hell. Do you forgive me?

I still haven’t heard RWA‘s Blog Talk radio show live (which I SWORE I’d do). My Google -Evil- Reader displays 275 unread feeds. I am a bad blog friend. If I was ‘normal’ I might resolve to be a better blogger in 2008, but that ain’t happenin’. So. I’ll just apologize and move forward.

How’s things?

Good?

Good!

If you knew me in real life, you’d say, yeah you never return my phone calls either.

And I would probably just ignore that statement.

I have been so bored that I could cry. Being sick and Fa being sick did not help my status as a ‘cool’ mom this week.

We are just getting into the swing again today. The routine returns. I hope it puts us back on track.

The holidays. So So.

Sick.

So I honestly hardly remember them.

Fa loved the first two gifts she opened on Christmas morning and could care less about the other 195 presents under the tree…I should have stopped buying at two. She’s got a thing for animals so her stuffed kitties and veterinarian set are (pardon the pun) the cat’s meow. She’s going to be a Kitty doctor when she grows up.

The rest of the presents were cool. I haven’t snapped pictures, you know. Lazy. So just take my word for it. Santa treated us nicely this year.

I can’t believe I’m a mother to a 4 year old.

I saw pictures of my polyp. Remember him? He was cute. He’s gone now. Doc says everything was peachy. Literally. Benign. Nice, pink uterus. You can’t ask for any more than that really.

The meds. They are working. I assume. I feel better in the noggin, and physically too. More pep in my step if ya know what I mean. The doc says I need to get my ‘head’ around the fact that I may be on these suckers forever. Still working on that.

It’s January 2, 2008. I’ll be 40.  In 4 years. Hmmmm.

Am I doing what I should be doing?

I dunno.

I need to work on that too.

I’ve had a lot of time to think this week. Not good.

So all in all, I’m here. I’ll try to get back into the blogging swing. Please don’t hate me. I hope you have all been well.

Thank you for stopping by during the week. I’ve loved having you.

Blah!

That’s how I feel. Blah!

But thank you everyone for checking in on me yesterday.

The surgery went well. I’m still here. I was scared that I wouldn’t wake up…but that’s what goes on in my head. I can’t help it.

It’s amazing how my mindset has changed since becoming a mother. Before, when I had any ‘procedures’ done that led to anesthesia…I kinda looked forward to it. You know…gettin’ knocked out.

All I could think about now was Fa. She’d be motherless…See what I mean? So, that totally stressed me out.

But I’m done. It’s over. I’m tired. I’d love to catch up on all of your lives, but I think I’ll wait until I’m feeling better.

I’m tired and crampy and crappy and cranky too.

I’ll try to get pictures of the polyp if I can…The Pro said he saw them and it was like a thumb. Gah!

Pre-Op/We Got Spirit

I had my pre-op testing yesterday for my historical event: THE polyp removal.

I am excited that maybe, just maybe the visits from that mean, old Aunt Flo will get easier.

My polyp is 3.5 centimeters in diameter…anyone who has dilated to give birth understands how friggin’ big that is to be carrying around in my uterus. Gah!

So my surgery is scheduled for Monday the 26th. The Monday after Thanksgiving here in the States. I better eat well. (Lot’sa stuffing. You know, I haven’t had a really good stuffing in ages. I don’t eat red meat and every time I go to Thanksgiving dinner, the stuffing has pork in it. I know, the “other White Meat”…But I still can’t do it.)

Can you tell, I’m nervous? I’m chatty.

***

I’ve been reading a few books at once these days. A few from James Van Praagh. Know him? He’s a spiritual medium. I’m reading Heaven & Earth as I type…It speaks of communicating with the spirit world, meditation and finding your psychic inner voice. I’m into this stuff, ya know.

Whether you believe or not, it’s helping me find a center.

And I’ve had some interesting “Psychic Spurts” throughout my life. These days, they are happening again.

Instances as of late are leading me to believe the the ‘spirit world’ aka ‘My Mom’ understands that I am trying to understand them/her…

Don’t think I’m nuts. I know I am, I don’t need you to add to that. This is different.

Some recent examples of Mom trying to let me know she’s here:

When I went to the bookstore the other day to find my next Van Praagh book, the shelves were packed to the gills. I couldn’t find him anywhere. I spent at least 20 minutes in the New Age section of the bookstore (with a salesperson) searching for him.

As I was about to give up and walk away, my eye caught a book, sticking out just a little bit more than the rest of the books on the shelves. I took a pause. I grabbed the book. Can you guess what it was? Yup. The EXACT book I was struggling to find in the midst of the packed, holiday shelves. No other books by him were there. Just THAT one.

I know.

Then, the TV has been changing volume all on its own. Without help from me or Fa.

I know.

Lastly, Fa came upstairs from the basement the other day. Telling me the lights are going on and off. She begged me to follow her downstairs. But I was on hold with the doctor’s office, I couldn’t go. I went downstairs a few hours later and a lightbulb was on the floor. It unscrewed itself from the ceiling socket and hit the floor without breaking… It was just lying there waiting for me. I called The Pro to see if he did it. Nada.

I know.

Whenever my Mom is near, I get a tingling in the back of my neck right above where my skull and my spine meet…It’s a quick flash of sensation, then it’s gone. It’s her way, I’ve grown to believe, of letting me know she’s here. This week, I can’t get rid of that tingling. It is a constant for the past day or so. I scratch and try to relieve the feeling but it won’t go away. It’s moving to the tip of my head and just kind of lingering. I can’t stay in my skin comfortably. It’s a constant tingle.

I know.

She’s here to protect me. I know. I am very nervous about the upcoming surgery (even though I know it’s really a normal procedure) but I am still thinking the worst. She’s guarding me. Taking every precaution not to let anything harm me. And she means business. For the first time, she’s persistent. She’s not giving up and she’s letting me know.

I just know.

I had to yell at her this morning:

“I know you’re here! I feel you. I swear it. But you’re freakin’ me out Mom! I know you’re here. I promise. But you really are freakin’ me out!”

She still won’t let me be.

I love you mom. I do. Thank you for protecting me. When I truly need it.

Is it easier to have a penis?

Yeah. So.

Uhm.

I cried. Like a big, fat baby with a full diaper and an empty belly.

I think the tequila shots made me weak. I wasn’t on top of my game.

I wasn’t able to joke and giggle like the last time.

They wouldn’t let The Pro come in the room with me and that broke me like a wild foal.

I weeped. Uncontrollably.

The Tech and the Doctor (both males~how friggin’ uncomfortable) came in to comfort me.

The young, blond, beautiful nurse. Was useless.

I was a mess.

The Tech numbed me for fear that I may faint on the table and I honestly didn’t feel a thing after that. I don’t know what happened to me. I was so scared of the catheter.

I feel so bad for those people. Having to do that all day long. Catheters in and out all day long.

So my “beautiful, large” polyp is 1 and 3/4 cm and it is “wonderful” according to the doctor. He says the good news is, at my age and place in the life cycle, it is always benign. (I’ll relax when they test it for sure)

He says that this polyp is what is causing my wild and freaky visits from Aunt Flo. I hate the bitch. And she should calm down after it has been evicted from my uterus.

Damn uterus.

I hugged and smooched the Tech in the hallway and thanked him for being so nice to me. He turned out to be a sweet little man who just wanted me to be okay. If I could have put him in my polyp pocket, I would have.

Then in the mail when I got home, was my letter from the radiologist and he does want me back in six months for a reprise.

Which in turn means that my OB/GYN will want me to see a surgeon. Ugh.

But, in all honesty and seriousness, I would rather them remove something that is nothing, than leave it in there and wonder for six months.

To recap:

Catheters suck.
Polyps make Aunt Flo go berserk.
Two surgeries for girl bits gone bad.
Me and my radiologist look to be soul mates for the rest of my life.
Thank you all for your wonderful well wishes! God, this blog~world rocks.

Girl parts gone bad…

Sheesh. You turn 35 and all hell breaks loose on the girl bits.

After 3 extra mammographies and a sonogram, I seem to have this ‘thing’ hidden there in the back that they are “keeping an eye on” because it doesn’t seem to go away with all the poking and prodding.

You see, when you have a mammogram and you are cystic, like me, they twist and turn (and flatten) your tootie ta ta’s and keep snapping pictures until all the spots dissipate. When it’s fleshy-cystic “meat” they disappear with good technique. This one spot doesn’t wanna go away…No matter how hard the smoosh.

It’s up to my OB/GYN to decide whether I go back in 6 months or a year for another check up. His nurse claims he’ll have me go back in 6 months and/or see a breast surgeon. Fun times people.

But he knows my history and will be erring on the side of strict caution and I am seriously grateful for that.

On a good note, I made the technicians laugh a lot. That was cool. I had this gigantic tent for a robe. (It was the only one in the changing area) and I literally swam in it. It was obviously made for the well endowed women. But I told them it was my superhero cape and they all came in to see it. I refused to change into a smaller one.

Then, I asked the technicians (both the mammogram tech and the sonogram tech) what they do with women with the gargantuan titties. They giggled and said they never thought patients thought of those things. We do. Apparently, so do they.

Turns out they need to do the procedures with two hands and a lot of manipulating…of the big ‘ole boob. We giggled s’more.

They commented on how silly I was and how funny and all but really if I didn’t laugh, I’d be hysterical crying. I spent a good three hours getting felt up yesterday by all different types.

I know every thing’s alright. It’s just that static moment in between the tests that you think…’This could be it. They found something and my life can be changing right here, right now.’

I’m a wreck all day.

Then, I come home to a message from my OB/GYN’s office to say that I have an endometrial polyp that needs to be removed. Whee…Good times. I tell ya. That should be a load of kick ass fun. I can’t wait to get all felt up down there too. By instruments. And I don’t think they even vibrate.

What the hell happened to me?

I used to be thin and cute and healthy. Now I’m stiff and jiggly and losing my girl bits slowly but surely.

And I’ve only been 35 for a little less than 6 months…

Oh! and this is fun too…I also went to the dermatologist the other day….Got a prescription for a skin issue…I tell ya people. I am turning into a real pile of dusty old crap.

Can ya read it?

Can’t see it?
Here, let me get it bigger for you…g’won. Click it.

Am I the only one who finds this funny? Damn it all to hell.

And for those who want to giggle s’more:

(“Histroy of the World”..Fast Forward to 2:09)